Friday Ninja Thriftin’

The day at work ended a wild ride of a week. So, of course the only way to erase that was to get my butt handed to me in 4 straight games of foosball.

I went home and we got ready to go out for our Friday bi-monthly ritual dinner and a thriftstore run. The experience at Lone Star was a tremendous letdown (but that’s for another post). We tried to get it out of our mind as we headed toward the holy place.

Since it’s nearing Thanksgiving, I thought I’d go in with a secret mission. The mission?

To find a turkey baster.

I don’t actually NEED a turkey baster, I just thought it’d be cool. In case I wanted to baste a turkey. Which I don’t, at the moment, but may…since it’s nearing Thanksgiving and all.

OK. So that’s the mission. Now let’s get on with the thrift.

But first-a public service announcement.

Kids. Don’t do drugs. If you do drugs, hats like this might actually seem cool. You might actually convince yourself through a drug induced stupor that a sailor hat in American Flag decor is just what you need after a long night of tweakin’.

Trust me. It’s not. Nobody needs this. Step away from the e.

Back to the mission.

I thought I should start with the kitchen utensils.

but there was no turkey baster. Which, pretty much makes the mission a bust…but I still had 250MB on the memory card, so I thought I’d stick it out.

I made my way to the front of the store. Always gotta start in the showcase area (on the off chance that there’s a Hi8 camcorder there-there wasn’t).

But I did see these. There’s not much I can say about them other than to say that these things reminded me again that taking drugs and sculpting were probably two bad things to do at the same time.

“I love you thiiiiiiisssss mush….where’s the bar?”

More than Fridays?? The place with the Jalepeno Poppers? Wow…that’s a deep love there, buddy.

This caught my eye (being the grillmeister that I am), but don’t really see how a self contained fan blade (also known as a propeller) was going to turn my stove into a grill. It really just left me with too many unanaswered questions. Where did the charcoal go? Do lighter fluid and natural gas mix? In the end I had to walk away before I started to actually try to answer myself.

I could sure go for a hot cup of chocolate… a yellow cup….that looks just like a lemon.

OK…in what house would you find this? And when would you ever put candles in this thing and light it? And what’s with the blue ribbon? Maybe it’s how hunters celebrate the Duck Season. They light a candle for every phase of duck hunting (Bow…Rifle…RPG). I feel there’s more to the story, but the ducks weren’t talking.

As I walk around the store, I like to play a game I call “What the hell kind of house would THESE go in?”

So far, this pair wins the prize.
You remember that movie Misery? It’s the movie where Kathy Bates plays a crazy lady. Anyway…HER house. No, not the character in the movie, Kathy’s house is where these would be.

Fresha Peppa?

OK. I need some help with this one. It’s dark. You’re in the woods. You need to see something. You drop your flashlight…OOOP. Ok…exactly why is the flashlight camo again?

I keep seeing pieces that take me back to the paneled den of the 70’s. This was certainly no exception. In response to the Lava Lamp, the General Electric company released their line of “Molten” lights. A perfect accent to the bear skinned rug.

Ever wonder where macrame goes to die? Now you know.

(this discovery also led to a previosly undisclosed door. After I find my missing flashlights, I’m going back in to explore).

In some countries, apparently, Santa’s face has been replaced by either (a) a mop or (b)disturbing squid-like alien tentacles. Either way I can’t think too many kids are leaving cookies out for this guy.

Capture? You mean….a creepy mountain man with a PET BEAR could actually be a threat? Who knew?

Before settling on the cute figures in idyllic settings, Hummel experimented with something of a darker nature.

Did I mention clowns freak me out? They do. And if that’s not bad enough, now I’m gonna be up all night wondering what the hell the bear’s telling it.

If you knew ANYONE that went to Hawaii in the 60’s or 7o’s then this little guy is no stranger to you. Did you ever stop to wonder how they get the milk out of one of these coconut carvings?

Colonel Mustard would have a field day with this selection.

Used Lip Balm. Dude. That’s wrong on so many levels. A NEW tube of ChapStik’s only $.79 cents…seriously- spring for the extra .30 cents and spare yourself the herp.

I know the next time I go back, this will be gone. It’s a box. Made of wood. With 14 different kinds of woods and finishes (neatly labeled). And I have no idea what it would be used for. But somebody does. And $4 is gonna be a steal to them.

This thing freaked me out. First off it was in the kitchen goods. Then, if that wasn’t bad enough-I actually TOUCHED it. It seemed to be a stick. Wrapped in some kind of skin. with a tennis ball on one end. And a squirrel tail on the other end. Over the tennis ball seemed to be the skinned head of a squirrel.

I can’t imagine why anyone would have let this go??

Growing up, I watched a lot of TV (shock). There was this add for some slicer dicer thing.
This was 1/2 of it. The BLADED 1/2. The other 1/2 (which is the safety cover) was conspicuously absent.

I really wonder why there aren’t more thrift store fatalities. Seriously.

Pork And Beans. That’s all I’m sayin’.

Did you know you can by FOOD at the thrift store?? No, I wouldn’t suggest it. But it’s there. Single cans of pop, pork and beans and used microwave popcorn. Sounds like a party.

BTW, if you can read the date on the popcorn, you will see it’s dated 3/04. Um…20month old popcorn isn’t really going to do anyone any good, is it?

SWEET! I was wondering just how in the hell I was going to keep my head in traction when I got home from the hospital.

This charming little freak doll was in the toy section. Folks, this is not a toy. Unless of course your goal is to bypass fun and move straight on to warping your child.

There’s nothing I can say to this that it’s not already doing to itself.

If you look closely, you’ll see that it’s actually Candyland in the Bible Game Box. For a split second, I entertained the idea of removing the post-it note. I can actually imagine that someone would get this home and be really bummed that it wasn’t the Bible Game.

What ever happened to IDEAL? They made some cool toys. Like this portable air hockey game. Portable is a stretch. The box is 4 feet long, 2 feet deep and 4 inches high. There are some car trunks this thing won’t even fit in.

Rounding out this trip was the ultimate nightmare. A drunk clown. Nice. So may stereotypes all wrapped in to one.

And look! It really works!!

I also got a bunch of shirts, but that’s probably a story for another time.

OH…I also wanted to mention that Nancy had the ultimate surreal thrift experience. She found a dress that she had purchased at a thrift store a while ago (that I donated to another thrift store when we moved) and it wound up in this thrift store.


One thought on “Friday Ninja Thriftin’

  1. Heh, that head traction kit cracked me up. what in the heck is a traction kit doing at the thrift store. you won\’t find that kinda thing at any regular store.

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