Fatty McButterpants

An interesting thing occurs when you start talking about your weight with others.
If you flat out admit that you are obese (or a fatass, as I like to call myself), people will try to convince you otherwise. “Oh, phhhh. You’re not THAT big.” “You just need to lose a few pounds” or my personal favorite “Yeah, but you carry it well. You can hardly tell.”

Folks, I can tell. I’m a big boy. I’m pushing 3oo which is about 100 extra pounds. That’s ONE THIRD of me that shouldn’t be there.

I did Atkins for a while. Managed to go from 318 (no, that’s not a mistype) to 278. Now I’m holding at about 290. About 90 pounds shy of where I need to be to, oh I don’t know, be healthy.

It’s not that I don’t care. I care that I’m fat. And my doctor has about exhausted her patience. Mostly because I’ve been bullshitting her about cutting calories. I mean, I think I have. But not the way I need to. And I really need to exercise. I haven’t really found my walking path in the new neighborhood (which is a cop-out).

So. What will motivate me? Not an easy question to answer, but I think I found it.

Professional Advancement.

See, the project-the documentary that I hope to shoot in the Spring involves motorcycles. And there’s a strong possibility I will need to ride on (as a passenger). And adding an extra 300lbs. plus gear probably won’t make the one driving the bike too happy. Plus I figure on doing a lot of walking (maybe even running/jogging/walking really fast) to get the shots I want for the film. That’s going to come off a lot better if I’m not sucking wind from walking up a flight of stairs.

So that’s motivation #2 (motivation #1 is not having a friggin’ heart attack. I didn’t have open heart surgery at 25 only to have a freakin’ heart attack at 35). That and I’d like to spend a long happy life with my wife and kids.

What brought this on, you ask? I saw myself in the video for Nash. Dude. I’m fat. I’m the same height (practically) as Nash (maybe a hair taller)…but he’s at least 1/2 my size. It was truly an eye opener.

So I’m thinking of a project. My own little reality show. I’m thinking of calling it Lard Ass or FatAss. Or maybe FatFarm. I’d have the obigatory video diaries and all that b.s.

And what would come at the end of it would be a sense of empowerment through the phrase that can have so many negative connotations (that being FatAss).

The “reality show” bit may or may not happen, but the rest of it needs to.

I’ve been carrying around about 100lbs too much for far too long.

And I’m about sick of it.

And isn’t that the first step? Getting so freakin’ fed up with something that you have no choice but to change it?

I think it is.

Twelvestep, shmelvestep. I’m just done with being a lardass.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

3 thoughts on “Fatty McButterpants

  1. great postings lately. i was on vacay last week, so i caught up this morning. don\’t laugh, but i have one of those \”i love you this much\” statues–my dad gave it to my mom when they were dating, and when i went away to college, my mom gave it to me. 🙂 anyways, good luck on the weight thing. i\’m a \”larger\” person, too, and i know where you are (except for the open heart surgery thing), though i\’m healthy as a horse (and apparently as large as one, too). 🙂 it\’s not an easy thing–don\’t get discouraged–do it healthy–no fad diet ever works in the long term–and dropping and regaining weight has been found to be worse for you than just maintaining a consistant higher weight. i read that somewhere–probably at the gym.

  2. btw, if you\’re interested, i (along with alot of other people) have a blog for weight loss support (blogger biggest loser) where we check in with goals and accomplishments, or even support when we pig out and gain pounds. you\’re welcome to join. the link is on my page if you\’re interested. it\’s been studied that having an accountability partner is helpful in losing weight and keeping it off.

  3. Thanks! My wife went through Weight Watchers last year and lost 92 pounds in a year. I think I may look at weight watchers. We\’ll see. I\’m still not sure what program I\’m going to stick with. For now I\’m back to writing down everything I eat and using a package called FitDay.

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