Open Letter to a Vandal

*I realize that this is of course, not really going to be read by the person that keyed my car Monday since you know nothing about me, this is more for me to let things go and clear the air.-Todd

Dear Person(s) That Keyed My Car,
I wanted to tell you that I’m not mad anymore. And I forgive you. I realize that it’s not your fault. It’s mine. My fault for expecting things to be like they always were. For not expecting anything unusual to happen in a parking lot that’s housed my car without incident for 7 years. For thinking that random acts of stupidness would continue to elude me. You have shown me the light. I now know that stupidity is a pandemic that can strike anyone anywhere at any time.
I’d also like to thank you. Thanks to you my car will be getting washed this weekend (something that hasn’t happened for a couple of years, at least). And it will also be getting buffed and waxed (which hasn’t happened in the 6 years that I’ve owned the car).
I’d like to also mention that at first I blamed the ‘smoker’s lounge’ for this trite act of revenge because it was easier to think that this was a targeted attack rather than some random act.
I know now that I will never know which is was. And actually take more comfort in the randomness of the situation.
I wanted to let you know that you’re probably off the hook, too. The building surveillance tapes won’t show anything (and i’m not even sure they had a tape in the recorder), and the Columbus Police have better things to do than take on a case that has no leads and really is little more than a misdemeanor (actually, a nuisance at best).  I’m also not going to tell my Insurance company about our little run-in either. I don’t know who you are, but I’m pretty sure that you’re not worth higher car insurance premiums.
And while I dreamt the past two nights of catching you in the act and smashing your skull in to the roof of my car with a childish grin, I wanted to let you know that I’m mostly over it now. You’re not worth the assault charge or jail time that I’d incur for MY revenge.
The simple fact is, there’s nothing I can do about it. If this was an act of revenge, I’ll never know. There were no clues as to what a I was being revenged for (or by whom). Although if it was revenge, I’m pretty happy that you took it out on my car and not by shooting or stabbing me or something.
So, in closing, I want to say that I wish you a peaceful life. Obviously you’ve got something messed up in your life if destruction of property is a viable resolution to a conflict (or worse yet, a means of release from a long day of playing video games and hitting the bong).
I forgive you for your stupidity. And my car forgives you (afterall, you scratch like a girl and let’s face it, it is just a car). Just let’s not let it happen again, mmkay? I’m over it now, but not sure that could supress the urge to live out those dreams if I were to happen to catch you in the act at some point in the future.
Todd S.

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