Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to get these pictures up on the site.

And without further ado. Let’s jump in to the thrift.

Normally I dig pound cake, but pound cake in a box. From a store. No. This is not your friend.

And here we have Rosemary’s Baby Carriage.

Yes. You’re seeing this correctly. Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. For $5.99. Sealed in the box. Well, it was sealed in the box. Until I got it home and put it together!

I’ve finally gotten behind the fact that candles no longer have scents. They have flavors. The lemon meringue wasn’t so bad. But the strawberry shortcake smelt bad. Like those highlighters that used to be scented. You know so you could have your chem notes be highlighted AND smell like rotten grape. Yeah. They were that bad.

Here we have the Rosemary’s Baby Carriage again with the optional psycho exorcist Barbie.

OK. Normally I’d be all over something like this. I mean. It’s Coleco-vision. How can you go wrong? Well, apparently quite easily. Especially when you don’t even include the flagship Coleco cartridge-Donkey Kong! Gah.
Although, throwing in the matted-gum-in-hair patch was definitely a stroke of marketing genius.

It’s the Fib Finder EXTREME! Now with 75% more Fib Finding power!

And in a foreshadowing of the evening…this was the first of many creepy cat figurines.

Can’t get enough of the World Cup?? Grab a giant bottle of drunkfugnuggen!

My German’s a little rusty, but I’m pretty sure this says something like “Will knock you on your poncey American arse!” There was a little drop in the bottle, but I couldn’t get it open (those Germans make GREAT caps on the bottles) so I can’t really tell you if it’s all it’s cracked up to be or not.

A new pop-up series by Dr. Ruth? Nope. Just a little gag gift that came with a little screw driver and a flashlight. Get it? It’s funny. Right? That’s why it’s at the thrift store.

I couldn’t look too closely at this (it just felt like it was sucking my will to live) …but I’m pretty sure the price was $6.66

Few people know that John Williams actually put out a soundtrack to Kevin Costner’s blockbuster flick using the working title of the film. Thankfully it was changed before it hit the box office.

You can’t see it from this picture, but this is actually a figurine of an Angel. Yes. A creepy, Shelly Duvall figurine. Not to be enitirely shallow but I have to say that I’ve never pictured angels anything like this. Unless you count the time I was tripping balls. And even then I’m not entirely sure they were angels.

Need proof the video killed the radio star? Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the Bay City Rollers.

Tired of that funky yard gnome? Run on out and grab these zombie animals. Guaranteed to scare the @#%$ out of your neighbors!

Normally I’m not one to poo poo grilling of any kind. But somehow an indoor grill just goes against all grilling principles. There’s no charcoal. No fire. I mean really…what’s the point?

“Complete with Real Glass!” Apparently I missed the days when they tried to pass off picture frames with that fake glass. Shocking.

This is the 80’s equivalent of matter/anti-matter. See kids, it goes like this. You either liked Debbie Gibson or Tiffany (but never the twain shall meet). And it broke down a little like so….Debbie Gibson was the all-American, wholesome girl who wrote her own songs. And Tiffany was the mall-rat. Although after having seen Deborah Gibson when she opened for N*Sync (don’t you judge me!), I’d have to say that Tiffany aged a little better.

Fun in the TUB!! Red Finger Suds! How can you possibly go wrong?

OK. I know that candles have flavors now, but what in the hell kind of mood do you have to be in to want your house to smell like TOMATO SOUP???

Hurry!!! You have to find my face!

Tennessee. A state known for it’s frogs. And ceramic bags. Afterall, how else do you explain this fun little gift?

Remember the creepy cat? Told you it wasn’t the last one. Here’s another one that’s too tall for ANY knickknack shelf.

15…..10….5….he…could….go…all….the …way….TOUCHDOWN!!!!

I can’t really think of what should be coming out of this bear’s belly. You can’t tell from the picture, but it’s WAY too big for a box of kleenex. And toilet paper would just be wrong.

Other cool things that came home with us? This old school sprinkler. I could make a whole post on this, but it might get a little weird.

This should have been mine. I didn’t let my dad stay up all night and make my pinewood derby racecar only to have my victory snatched from me in the first heat!! Damn You Chris Zollars!!!

Creepy clown or drunk hobo teddy bear thief? You make the call.

Darrin, I hope this counts for my Ronco Item. I know it’s not the Sound Machine you were looking for, but dude….this thing scrambles eggs…in the shell or some shit like that!

OK. I was wrong. Before this water bottle, I would have sworn that the Atari 2600 game was the worst single E.T. tie-in. I had no idea how bad it could actually be.

Macreme. Found it.

Hurry up Santa and Jump In the Pool!!!!

This is where bad shoes go to die.

Duuuuuude! I was SO into Voltron. I remember this one. Lotor was such a badass! No, I didn’t buy this (I have the coloring book, I don’t need the storybook).

This doll was creepy. Although on the bright side, they didn’t have to spend any money for speakerboxes for the Marceau Marceau dolls. (Yes. It was lame. I understand. But it’s like 2 weeks since I actually went shopping so I can’t really remember whatn I found interesting/creepy/amusing/frightening about this godawful therapy inducing monstrosity).

OK. Any toy where the clearly stated objective is to STOP THE NOISE does not belong in my house. Period.

What’s sad is that an entire generation of kids are going to be REALLY confused about their basic anatomy.

Super Simon. Sadly this did not come home with me. I didn’t want it to sit idle on the shelf next to the not so super Simon (and I didn’t want the not so super Simon to feel bad). But I have to admit that I was tempted. If the marketing gurus had released this today it would have been called Simon Xtreme!!

Hehe. Cabbage Patch kids. In the thrift store. This is funny to me. Especially when I think of all the people that were trampled when these things came out. Funny. People dying for a doll. A DOLL!!! With some guys autograph on the back cheek. Here’s my prediction. Wait 10 years. Whatever toy is this year’s BIG THING will be in this aisle in 10 years.

Dude. I never had a dirt bike with mag wheels, but oh how I wanted one. Even now they’re sweeeet!

This one wins the award for creepiest stuffed animal that will never get sold!

Fire. In a can. How can you go wrong?

Tetris was a GREAT video game. But how the hell do you make a board game out of it?

It seems like a pretty typical notice. But there’s one problem. It’s written in English, not Stupid. So of course, no one pays attention to it.

See what I mean?

I’m not sure what’s worse, this game or that people actually played it? Now it’s Dream MySpace page!

There is something so incredibly wrong with this. If you don’t know, you better ask somebody.

I almost got this t-shirt, but it felt a little too much like bragging.

OK. There was this thing called Y2K. See, none of the software that ran the country’s infrastructure was really equipped to handle the rollover from 1999 to the year 2000 (they only put the last 2 digits of the year to save space), so everyone thought that basically the powergrids would shut down, banks would freak out. Dogs would lie down with cats. That kind of thing.

Only it never happened. But on the brightside, it sold an ASSLOAD of t-shirts.
I predict that the next big t-shirt craze that we’ll see discarded in the thriftstore 10 years from will be “I Survived Armageddon ’09!” You heard it here first.

One of these things is not like the other… OK. Look. If you’re going to rip of the best television show EVER..get it right!! The episode never said WHICH one of these things…jeesh.
I’m sorry, but this shirt bothered me for a few reasons. One is that it has Cookie Monster as a fairly literate creature. And thin. Looks more like Grover. C’mon people! If you’re going for an existential Muppet, you really need Kermit. Or Rowlf. But the 9 yr. old that they got to design the shirt could probably only draw Cookie Monster. Oh. And for the record…the thing that doesn’t belong? Sermons on my Muppet merchandise. What’s next? Calvin pissing on a pentagram?

This beat out the “Where the Hell is Anatevka?” t-shirt by a vote of 2 to 1.

No. I couldn’t find the NKOTB cassette, but here’s a good sampling of similar music from a jacked up era of music that I lovingly refer to as the 80’s. Hungry like the wolf…..hungry like the wolf….

Fearless? You’d have to bee to wear this shirt.

I have to tell you…unless this thing actually kills you, there are very few things that will EXTINGUISH a snore. I mean, it’s like a force of nature.

OK. I don’t know where they’re going with this. I’ve seen the heart be a “u” or an “o” (ironically both in the word ‘love’ or ‘luv’). So, that makes this HUM or HOM. No. No sir I just don’t get it.

Is this shirt for chicks or dudes? Either way, someone’s getting dissed.

Ha! Macreme! Darrin, I have to be honest, the macrame challenge wasn’t really that tough*.

I had planned on saying something about these. But the way my karma’s been floating, as soon as I make fun of these, I’m gonna be afflicted with some condition necessitating my wearing of them. And if that happens, y’all, I’m just gonna be pissed.

Just light the box. If only more things were this cool.

(*See, there’s AISLES of the shit.)

Alright. That’s all I got right now. I do have some pix from a thriftstore in Indy that I hit last week while I was there for training.

Peace out!

2 thoughts on “Tapioca!

  1. ahhhhhhhh…..thrift store posting. thank you! i owned both debbie gibson AND tiffany cassetts (okay, still do thought they\’re in storage with all of my NKOTB cassetts to pass onto some future generations). what does that say about me? thanks for the posting.

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