Thrift Shirts… My Pants

Sundays in the fall rule. Why?

I like football.

I like it more when my fantasy football team is doing well (which it is at the moment).

Sundays are good because they give me a chance to reflect on the week ahead as well as a fond look back at last week.

And Friday marked an impromptu trip to the thrift store.

I had intended the trip to be a “T-Shirts Only” visit, but as usual, the minor deities of thrift had other plans in store for me.

I knew as soon as I saw this my mission of shirts only was in jeopardy.
One “Racin’ Bubba” I can fathom. The fact there there are a series of them, however, was a little too much for my pre-lunch mind to wrap itself around.

This looks exactly like president Bush to me. Only minus the diploma. And the “#1 Graduate” thing, of course.

This was a mirror in to the past. Or was it the future? I forget. And I wasn’t quite prepared to be sucked in to Narnia. I had a conference call that day that I couldn’t miss.

You know, I was wondering just where I could find an entire set of ugly green dishes. Now I know.

I had one of these. No batteries. Just xylophone metal plates that get hit with a striker as you roll the thing over your shag carpet.

This is a sprinkler head. I’m not sure I want to know where the water actually comes out.

The only thing I can really say after seeing this is quite simply that the executives at the toy companies have some good drugs. The best drugs in fact. That’s the only explanation as to why they made toys like this.

Awwww. A snuggly bear….with hiking boots. WTF?

This game sounds really cool just by the description.

…until you actually see a picture of it.

There’s a good reason why Radio Shack stopped making board games.

See….this is what happens when toy executives take their character names from adult cinema. It’s the drugs, I tell ya, it’s gotta be the drugs.

This looked somewhat cool (it must’ve been the fact that I hadn’t eaten lunch yet).

Upon turning the box, though, I questioned the naming scheme.

And now we finally get to the shirts. Now, there is no mystery or question as to my geek status. And I’ve grown to accept it, even embrace it.

There is a certain “game” if you will, whereby you add the words “in my pants” to certain lines in classic geek flicks (the most notable being “Star Wars”….”The force is strong…in my pants” That kind of thing). So, I couldn’t help but think of that as I was looking at these t-shirts.

If you’re wondering why some of these actually made the post, just tack on a “in my pants” to the main phrase on the shirt (I’ll make it easy by putting “I.M.P.” where needed).

Now the thought of a beach party, especially Monte’s, in my pants wasn’t really that appealing. This was more of a homage to my dad who looked like this in the 70’s and with whom I was discussing Tequila just the other week.

Well, I was rootin’ for Rachel. But now? Screw ‘er. Who wants a t-shirt?

I don’t normally censor the photos, but if you can piece together what is on the “Show Your” sign, you’ll understand why I did. Now I’m not saying I believe it, but it is a little easier to see why people say God was just cleaning house.

I know this is supposed to be Goofy as Frankenstein. But to me it looks like Goofy is stoned (well, more stoned than normal).



“I.M.P.” (You mean music doesn’t go round your pants?)


“I.M.P.” (every man’s wish)

“I.M.P.” (many men’s reality)

“I.M.P.” (afterall, nobody wants tobacco in their pants)


This wasn’t an “I.M.P.” moment. This was just funny to me.


Now, these next two weren’t “I.M.P.” shirts, but it would take a serious pair of cajones “I.M.P.” for me to wear either of these.

“I.M.P.” ExtraOrdinary in my pants. Indeed.

Now this last one was a dilemna for me. On the one hand you have the tragedy of 9/11. And I didn’t want to belittle that. On the other hand you have the comedy gold of a phrase like
“America will always remember the twins….in my pants.” In the end, I think laughter is healing. And while I will probably go to hell for it, this made me laugh.

OK. Since I’m gonna be going to hell, I probably should buy some snacks for the trip. Now I know I made fun of these chips on the last post, but apparently what I didn’t know what that these were a staple in the Detroit area. And since I went to Detroit one time (for a concert, in a blinding rain storm with broken windshield wipers), I thought I’d give them a shot.

So I got a bag of “Ketchup” and “Hot.” And to be fair. That’s pretty much what they tasted like. I gotta go dig out my copy of “8 Mile” now and look for the bags of Uncle Ray’s. A chip is nothing without street cred.

Pump in Style? Um. Not having functioning mammories, this is sheer speculation. But I’m not sure how mechanically peforming that particular act could be seen as stylish.

This hat was signed by somebody.

After we got back from the thrift store, Wayne demonstrated the proper way to handle a Cleveland Steamer.

Alright, alright. Calm down. It’s just a protein bar. That just happens to look like a turd. Mmm Mmm Good!


And with that I’m gonna head back upstairs to watch the rest of the game.

Happy Sunday.

And don’t forget, this Wednesday is half price day at the thrift store. I’ll be charging up the batteries for some extra special pix.

Lastly, before I head out, I’d like to report that the creepy-eyed turtle was no longer in the store. The can of Creme of Mushroom soup had also been sold. But I’m sure it was just a coincedence.

6 thoughts on “Thrift Shirts… My Pants

  1. 1) They wanted $2.92 for that weird racing bobble head thing? What the hell?2) Those green dishes rocik. Don\’t make fun of green dishes. I have green dishes.3) I think the xylophone thing was a pre-req for any child born between 1965 and 1975.4) I remember looking in the backs of comic books and they would have the build your own crystals kits. The Crystal Climbers thing is nothing like that.5) I can\’t believe there wasn\’t a robot named \’Kill\’. That seems to be the most obvious name to me for a battling robot.6) One word: Chicken-Hawk-In-Chief. One response: Ha!7) I someone should sue someone else. Cosi\’s \”Ready, Set, Grow\” vs. Fisher Price \”Play. Laugh. Grow.\”… and finally, but definitly not least … 8) On the Disney T-shirt: Why is the thumb positioned right below a pic of MM\’s butt? Didn\’t people learn from the Little Mermaid fiasco?

  2. awweee, no creepy eyed turtle? shucks! But thanks for the thought! 🙂 btw, thanks for the bonus thrift posting. It totally made my day! I look forward to the next one. Honestly, I don\’t know how you continue to be so funny and creative. Personally, I think I would run out of wit and leave readers floundering to understand my purpose for taking pictures of things.

  3. Darrin:$2.99 is nothing to a NASCAR fan. These are the people that pay $9.99 for a pewter keychain of a number leaning on its side thewrong way. $2.99 is chump change. LOL.OK. I concede the green dish point. I have a complete set of Green Depression glass dishes from my grandparents. But dude…Chernobyl Green is not cool.Xylophone on wheels=Word.I almost got the Chicken Hawk. And would have if it didn\’t besmirch one of my favorite characters in the Loony Tooniverse….\”you\’re built too low son….Sodee Pop!\”Thumbs up there asses…describes Disney to a tee (and on a tee, as it were).~ruthie:Yeah. Sorry about the turtle. Now that I know, I\’ll keep an eye out. As for the being funny? I don\’t know. I guess I can say that as long as shtuff still makes me chuckle as I walk through the discards of other peoples lives (which is really all the thrift store is), I\’ll continue to take pictures of it and write stuff to make myself laugh. I think the key is that I still write it to crack myself up. That\’s usually what takes so long…is finding ways to put into words just what made me laugh at something in the first place. There have been MANY outings to the thrift store that I didn\’t take any pix because I just wasn\’t in a funny mood.Wow…scratch that. That was really bloated and pompous. Let me instead replace it with a simple thanks.Thank you.:-)

  4. Hey… remember not to confused the the little chicken (Egghead Jr) with the little chicken hawk (Henery Hawk). Two VERY different characters. :)\”You\’re built too low son… the fast ones are going right over your head\”\”I say, boy, that thing will never…. *wooooooosh* ….fly?\”\”Sodee pop…. watch it fizz\”\”There\’s something kind of eeEEEEeeehh about a kid that\’s never played baseball\”Enjoy!

  5. Phil, Gil, Kill …? Disturbing. Do you think they just really wanted to name one Kill and then threw in the others to slide it past someone at the company? (\”Bob, put \’Kill\’ on the bottom of the list and the Big Cheese will never notice it.\”)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s