There are certain phrases that are designed to make the person speaking feel better about what they’re about to say…although they SOUND like they’re meant to console the recipient of said verbal muckity muck (which they almost never do).
“No offense, but….” This is almost always followed by something that someone with half a brain would find offensive (this usually counts the speaker of said phrase out, since if they, in fact had half a brain, would know they were about to offend and would just shut up).
“I don’t mean to be rude…” And yet, you’re gonna be if you start a sentence this way. Along the same lines is ‘Now…don’t get angry‘ or ‘I’m not looking to cause trouble…’ Too late-words came out of your mouth.
And here’s one that I almost typed on a friend’s blog as a comment
“If it’s any consolation…” This one is actually the sneakiest of them all. Because it catches you off guard. It’s all like ‘hey…just giving you some friendly advice….and you don’t have to use it if you don’t want to because..you know..I said ‘if’…’
The problem with that one is that it’s almost NEVER any consolation to the person receiving that statement. If they were in a position to reason out the situation and look at a bigger picture, they wouldn’t need your damn consolation (or bad attempts at passing of your “wisdom” and disguising it as sympathy).
And this isn’t one of those ‘I NEVER do these things’ kind of posts. I do. I do this shit all the time…well..ok, not all the time because that would make me a pretty colossal douchebag. And I’d like to think I haven’t worked my way up to colossal yet…just you know…normal ‘american’ size douchebaggery.
Speaking of d-bagging. I owe an apology to Darrin. Bro…on our Bro-Saturday I tweeted/FB’d at Starliner Diner like right out of nowhere. The isht’s like a habit. I’d say I was trying to kick it. But I’d be lying. It’s my crack. But I promise to do better when we’re hanging. But..um. I’m sorry.
I’ve noticed that it used to piss me off when people would get on their blue tooth…or have a conversation so loudly that you can’t hear yourself think (and it still does to an extent, but I find myself ‘assimilating’). But this texting/FB’ing/Twittering–it’s the new form of ‘cell-phone rude.’ At least when people were blatantly blowing you off by talking on their cell phone or blue tooth they could at least look at you and smile and pretend to hear you. Now…when they’re updating (or worse yet, checking updates) FB or Twitter or whatever the new social-heroin is, they’re oblivious (And by ‘they’…I mean me..because I do this, too. For f**ksakes, I was voted ‘Most Likely to Update His Facebook Page While At the Reunion’ at my 20th High School Reunion. Sad, I know. But I don’t remember what my Senior ‘Award’ actually was from 1990…so…I guess..it’s…um…an improvement (that was sarcasm)).
I have no idea where that came from, to be completely honest.
Lately I’ve been working on clearing out the mental cob-webs that have been nesting in the noggin. I feel like there’s a book (or at the very least a very lengthy free-form writing experiment) that’s about to come out and I need to get in the habit of writing on a keyboard with mostly full size keys and also carrying a thought out for longer than either 140 or 420 characters at a time. I know…I’ve written those same sentiments in 9 of the last 16 blog posts (See—practice DOES make perfect…one of these days you might even believe it).
That went in a really odd direction (not really surprising given the thangs bounding around in my noodle lately).
I’m gonna go ahead and hit the NyQuil, then hit the sack. I’m tired. And I think I’m getting a cold. And I’m sore.
Because I fell last week. And it sucked. But that’s a story for another time.
To sum up:
- Ian/Darrin–had a blast jamming/hanging out. Too soon is not soon enough to do it again (but maybe AFTER my ribs heal up…not sure they’re up to that much laughing again just yet)
- Ian-hope K feels better
- Darrin-Starliner Diner soon…and Sorry about the facebooking.