Screw You Treadmill

20 minutes.
That’s all I lasted tonight.

After that, it was ‘Screw You, Treadmill….ya rat bastich.’

Yeah….I tend to talk to all my exercise equipment as a cross between Jimmy Durante and Michael Keaton’s character from Johnny Dangerously….sue me. It’s much better than my Richard Dawson phase…you’re going to have to trust me on that one.

I have always avoided treadmills. And with good reason. I hate to run.
Let me back up. Back when I was a kid…I loved to run. Sometimes. Mostly, because I’ve been chubby all my life, I hated to run. Even when I WAS in good shape (for a 10 month period between 1989 and 1990), I hated to run.

And treadmills to me were always the spawn of Satan…a.k.a. an exercise device on which you jog or run.

BZZZZT! No thanks. Count me out. Seriously..I f**king hate to run. I don’t run unless I’m being chased.

So, tell me again why I accepted this PayITForward of a beast treadmill from a friend?  Because…I was gonna be the bad ass. I jog before Kick Boxing. I read “Born To Run.” I was pretty much gung-ho to run.

Only, I hate to run. sat here for 4 weeks…unused. And then something magical happened at Brew-Stirs (which is usually the case)….I met a guy who’d lost 90 lbs in less than a year. He said that one of his main workout components was walking 60 minutes a day. 4 MPH pace….at a 15 degree incline.  On a treadmill. I know!?!?! I was like, “Get the F**k out!” Finally I had hope again.

I got on it for the first time tonight. I set the interval for ‘weight loss’ and let the treadmill handle the inclines. And I put the speed to 4.0 (Assuming 4 mph)….THAT was way too freakin’ fast. So I dialed it back to 3.5 MPH and that was a nice brisk pace.

And I was all set to hit that 60 minutes with a vengeance.

Damned if I didn’t hit 20 minutes and stop…(don’t worry,  slowed down first).

My shirt was drenched and my legs were Jello.

I’m still not convinced the treadmill was based on a medieval device of torture….but there’s an up side—it’s gonna kick the shit out of the fat. I can tell you that right now.

Peace Out

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